I go around with a smile on my face and an overall feel of energy. It’s funny how people take what they see and stop there – never stop to consider what may lie beneath the façade.
In a way, that’s one of the things that keep mankind’s perception of the world at an acceptable level of optimism. If everyone knew what everyone else really felt, the world would probably be a far less cheerful place than it is now – and that’s saying something, considering the world at present isn’t very cheerful at all. I think that it’s because of that, that people learn to keep their emotions to themselves.
I’ve become quite talented at making people believe how much of a happy person I am – so talented at it that sometimes I actually trick myself into believing it as well. But when I sit alone and really let go, I realize that I’m really not happy at all. In fact, I’m rather the opposite of happy – extremely lonely. But I mean, who knew right? My point exactly.
When I say lonely, I don’t mean it entirely relationship-wise. If I was really desperate for a relationship, I would have been in one a long time ago. I don’t mean it friends-wise either. I have lots of friends I could hang out with if I wanted to. No, my problem is that at the end of the day I don’t have anyone to talk to about what’s really on my mind.
Casual friends don’t want to know how you feel about your life, or your thoughts about the direction it’s going in. Free passes run out, and though I doubt if the span of my issues would exhaust all of mine, I don’t want to trouble free pass-givers with my thoughts.
Ultimately, when ‘passes’ are involved it implies that you are being sympathized with. I don’t need sympathy, and I really don’t need advice. I just need someone who will listen, and not resent me for being a troubled human being. I’ve listened to other people countless times without resentment, and now I think I need someone who cares enough to be there for me…