On People and Change

Everyone is unique. We all have our individual personalities that basically define who we are. It determines the way in which we socialize, and our own approaches in relating to people. It also very subtly determines who we mingle with, and who can and cannot put up with us.

The question is this: can people change?

I often hear people talking about changing their significant-others, or even changing for their significant-others. I’m sure you’ve heard about those. Honestly, who hasn’t? It’s a bit pathetic in my opinion. And let me clarify why I think so lowly of the idea.

You cannot change people. Period. You know why? Because people in general do not change. It just doesn’t work that way.

As much as we would like to think that we mean enough to someone to actually change their outlook and convince them to alter their personality, the concept of it is total crap.

Again you ask why. But instead of further bashing the idea, I will give an example.

Let’s say I have a boyfriend. We’ll call him John. John is a sex-obsessed crack-head. I stick with him because my friends use the ever-popular myth to convince me that I can change him. But it doesn’t matter how much I try to change John, because he will always be a sex-obsessed crack-head. The most he can possibly do is suppress his obsession for sex, which will most probably result in an increase of smoking-up and possibly even an increase in masturbation.

God, I learned so much in economics.

My point is that John will still be the same sex-obsessed crack-head at the end of the line (just probably more distressed than he was initially).

Now I’ve made my point, so let’s move on to people voluntarily changing for others. It’s all still the same concept. If you say that you’re going to change for someone, you are mostly just fooling yourself. A change may occur, but since it is only for the pleasure of others, this type of change will be – undoubtedly – temporary.

Some people appear to change when the meet the “right person.” Most of the time, it is only because the character of the significant-other compensates for the lack-of-character of the subject. I’m pretty sure that this is why we get a false impression of change in some people. But in reality, they’re all the same idiots; only our perception changes.

Of course, all of this is purely theoretical and based on my own observations of people. If you choose to agree with me, then welcome to the club. If, however, you think that all this “change for the sake of love” may actually be a reality, then please spare me and get your ass to the back of the short bus.

People only change when life-and-death types of circumstances require that change. What works better than scaring people shitless? Of course, nothing! Change for the sake of love is a myth in my opinion. It’s just not going to happen. Ask your boyfriends. They’ll agree. I’ll have fans.

I’m a cynic, I know. I learned from the best.

We're All Just A Bunch of Walking Contradictions

I think it is ironic how people in general tend to make decisions that go against their morals. I have seen so many cases of it; I’ve even been one of those people more often than not. It is due to my recent realization of this that I decided to write on this particular topic.

Why do we do things we know are wrong? Why do we stick with people we know we’re going to hurt in the end? And why, why is it that we insist on always being right?

As far as answering these questions, I can only go so far as to speculate. I assume that we do things we know are wrong because we believe that somehow the circumstances may alter. In fact, we hope that we’ll have a change of perspective that will result in something good; possibly even something that will make us happy.

We stick with people we know we’re only going to hurt in the end because we can’t bear the thought of hurting them now, and we reason with ourselves that in the future, this task will be made easier for us. Of course, most of the time we only end up hurting them more; and later realize that we’ve wasted their time as well as our own. But even in knowing and having experienced this, when similar situations arise we make the same choices and expect things to turn out better this time.

It was a wise man who said that stupidity is doing the exact same thing repeatedly and expecting a different result each time.

However, stupidity is inevitable. And it is also human nature. Sometimes it doesn’t matter how much experience we’ve had, because the appropriate solution is so much more agonizing than the contemptible alternative.

Why do we always insist on being right? I’d have to say that it is most likely because we prefer to believe that we are right, because it is more comforting than accepting that we were mistaken from the very beginning. As shallow as this may seem, I’m pretty sure we’re all guilty of it.

You know you’re wrong but insist on being right for the sake of your pride. It’s not uncommon, and if you look at it in a certain way you’ll realize that we’re all just a bunch of walking contradictions.

...Or maybe it’s just me.