Thursday, July 3, 2008

I am Typing, and Therefore I Look Busy

I've finished all my work and I'm told there is no more for today. So I sit here. Typing. Looking busy. And I will probably (hopefully not) be doing this for the next hour.

I think a lot of times in life we get that feeling of uselessness. People I know talk about it at times, but for me the feeling has a tendency of coming around more often than it does for most people. No, this is not a shout out for pity. I don’t need your empathy. What I need is a task that will make me feel like I am actually achieving something in the world, something that will give me more of a sense of purpose. Something like climbing freaking Everest!!

God, how great is this entry? Pretty darn morbid, I think. Right now, there’s a caterpillar on my desk. Don’t ask me how the thing got here; it’s like 1 millimeter tall with a billion microscopic legs. But this tiny guy managed to make it to the fifth floor of this ginormous freezing building. And not to mention, it’s a pretty brave bug to be on my desk right now. If I didn’t see the metaphorical value of its presence here right now, I would’ve squished it and tossed it into a bin.

So, as I was saying earlier… I need to figure out what I’m supposed to freaking do with my life. Where I am right now- I work hard to make my work so much better than it’s even supposed to be, and still somehow end up belittled by the people who are supposed to be impressed. Why, you might ask? Well, let’s put it this way: I’m like a cat trying to establish communication with a dog, minus the intimidation. Ok well, that example sucked. But the fact that you probably can’t understand it highlights my point perfectly. Don’t ask.

I want to be great. No, I need to be great. It’s getting there from where I am that stumps me.